“Satan was the first to demand equal rights”

In Knoxville, Tennessee, a Christian church put up what proved to be a controversial sign. The sign read, “Remember, Satan was the first to demand equal rights.”
And a shitstorm ensued, of course. Some people found this to be a swipe at gays seeking equal rights.

I think, however, they’re looking at it the wrong way.

Lets look at Christian mythology with a critical eye. Who is this “God” character, and who is this “Satan” guy? Lets look at it with a little bit of a critical eye. So the first thing we need to remember is that the victors write the history books. So, you’ve got to look at the Bible as a piece of propaganda for the winning side.

So God apparently created everything. He created Tyrannosaurus Rex, which had arms too short to masturbate. Then, he created us, with arms long enough to play with our genitals, and hands that are pretty damn well suited to it. He gave us the capacity to feel pleasure, and he gave us the desire to chase it. He gave us a thirst for knowledge. He gave us a lot of great shit.

But, he demanded that we not use any of it, and he demanded that we love him.

Sounds like a sick bastard to me.

This God character sounds more like the psychological profile you’d get if you went to a high school, found the meanest 16 year old cheerleader, and told her that she had absolute power. Sorta like a North Korean dictator with serious cock size issues.

But, its even sicker than that.

He sticks the tree of knowledge right smack in the middle of the paradise he made for us, and then says “you can eat all this shit, pears, durians, blackberries, but I will fuck your shit up if you eat this fruit that cures your ignorance.”

He watches us all the time, like the NSA.

Oh, and he DEMANDS that we love him. If you don’t love me, I’ll burn your fucking ass forever and ever. That sounds more like a stalker than an omniscient being.

On the other hand, we have this Satan guy.

Maybe he’s not so bad after all.
Maybe he’s not so bad after all.
Satan likes us. Satan doesn’t mind if we enjoy ourselves. Satan doesn’t care if we love him or not. He’s there if we want him. Oh, and he suggests that maybe, just maybe, we ought to come out of the shadows of ignorance and eat from the tree of knowledge. From what I can tell from the mythology, Satan doesn’t watch us unless we request it. Opt-in surveillance, free will, enjoy yourself, and don’t be ignorant.
Does that sound like the bad guy to you?

Link (The Legal Satyricon)

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